


Heartbeat

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Fluff, Love, M/M, OOC?, carnival!stuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-09
Updated: 2011-05-09
Packaged: 2017-10-19 04:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/196877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are the sappiest, you think. But that's okay, because you will gladly be the sappiest person on this earth if you can just have these memories last you until you die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

> Drabble-y, Carnival!stuck-y. Uh. Be gentle, please.

You've never known such distress as sleeping without his heartbeat.

It's not something you'll openly admit, even to him. You may be the sappier one in the relationship, but it's something so personal to you- you couldn't let anybody know. Trying to sleep without that steady _thunk-thunk-thunka_ in your ears is like trying to live without air. Maybe, you think, if someone knew this secret, they'd use it against you, and you just can't have that, can you?

Intimacy of any form tends to be rare for you two, with how busy you are- and every time you actually find the time to be together, it's such a novelty you almost cry with how bittersweet it is.

When you don't have his chest to bury your face in and be lulled to sleep, you tide yourself over with every sweet moment you can recall. The first time you held his hand, (which kind of sucked, because he had poster glue on it, and you were stuck together for awhile, which, actually, no it didn't suck), and the first time you kissed, (you bit is lip and he wouldn't kiss you again for a week), and also...

That cold week in November, when Carnival season was, for lack of better terms, not in business, and you spent days together, doing nothing at all. He would let you curl up with him at night and your body heat would be the perfect amount and you came to know his heartbeat like a melody. It was alien and loud, like a base drum, but it was the most perfect thing. After that you couldn't stand to sleep without him. You were surprised, but so,    
_so_   
relieved when he welcomed you to sleep with him, and everything from then on was perfect.

But there's one moment, one moment you crave so very much. It's the way he looks at you, after you've somehow managed to fit sex into your hectic schedule, and his hair is everywhere and his eyes are half-lidded because neither or you have recovered, and he says those words. You don't think they could ever lose their spark and you know, you just fucking know, that this is love. Even though it's rare, even though he never says it around anyone else, even though it's whispered under sheets alone at night- you love it when he says he loves you.

“John?”

You look up, not realizing how far away you had been, lost in memories of private afternoons and dusty memories. Karkat is looking down at you, where you're sitting against the wagon, your eyes red. “Have you been fucking crying?”

“Huh?” You press your fingertips to your cheeks, feeling sticky-stale tear tracks. Well shit, usually no one ever sees, especially not him. All you reply with is a shrug, dropping your hand to your lap, because it's all you will say.

He's silent, and then he asks if you're ready for bed, and you grin at him. It makes your heart clench, how well he knows you, how well you know him- he cares, but not enough to pester you, not enough to ask, because he 'doesn't like that sappy shit.' It's something you're perfectly okay with and will never tire of, the simple things you both do, the ways you coexist and keep this relationship going, no matter the differences you boast.

“Yeah.” He clasps your hand and pulls you up from the ground, all of your scrawny 130 pounds, with barely a move from you. It makes you grin, and you can't resist leaning in to kiss him, even though he grumbles about your goatee like always and tenses up at the oh-so public display of affection.

Yes, you'll never tell him how hard it is to sleep without him. In return, you'll probably never know how much he reciprocates the thought. It's a mutual bond formed over the years, and you're perfectly fine with saying it so openly.

“I love you, Karkat.”

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhhh. More carnival!stuck stuff.  
> I stayed consistent this time!  
> Although, way OOC. Sorry about that. I just. I had too. I love JohnKarkat way too much, obviously.  
> Uhhh, I can't think of titles.  
> I'm going to stop for now because, well, yeah.  
> Oh yeah, sorry for any typos, again.


End file.
